she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
