Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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