I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
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At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
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I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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