I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
