sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
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