Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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