Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
