Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
