Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
