You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
