I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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