this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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