I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
