I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
