When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
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She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
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I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
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