i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You pole danced in your parka.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence