I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet