I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in