I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
21 Sketchy Drug Deals That Are Scary AF
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana