Texts From Last Night

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  (909): View more from California

  dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.

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  (909): dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight. http://tfl.nu/pv9g
  Replies (42) Good night (3564) Bad night (531)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.

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  (763): i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells. http://tfl.nu/8di1
  Replies (83) Good night (1117) Bad night (17251)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker

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  (509): I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker http://tfl.nu/fgze
  Replies (39) Good night (568) Bad night (2819)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.

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  (850): Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am. http://tfl.nu/2bm2
  Replies (9) Good night (2027) Bad night (870)
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  (510): View more from California

  You did a strip tease for the toilet.

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  (510): You did a strip tease for the toilet. http://tfl.nu/5nns
  Replies (6) Good night (2401) Bad night (1046)
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  (852): View more from

  come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air

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  (852): come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air http://tfl.nu/kik8
  Replies (5) Good night (725) Bad night (1920)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?

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  (201): Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries? http://tfl.nu/cmm3
  Replies (10) Good night (905) Bad night (1234)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.

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  (630): The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time. http://tfl.nu/80xt
  Replies (7) Good night (2836) Bad night (576)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.

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  (608): He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks. http://tfl.nu/svc2
  Replies (14) Good night (1946) Bad night (893)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES

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  (734): WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES http://tfl.nu/4qd7
  Replies (5) Good night (1532) Bad night (601)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.

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  (814): I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before. http://tfl.nu/yjkb
  Replies (2) Good night (1075) Bad night (376)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS

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  (647): YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS http://tfl.nu/r5xh
  Replies (7) Good night (1065) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Oh god, what has my life become?

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  (301): I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him. (301): Oh god, what has my life become? http://tfl.nu/d6o7
  Replies (6) Good night (767) Bad night (333)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.

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  (703): Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life. http://tfl.nu/38t1
  Replies (4) Good night (826) Bad night (389)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower

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  (770): She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower http://tfl.nu/znp7
  Replies (1) Good night (300) Bad night (233)

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