I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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