Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
