How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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