covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
