Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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