Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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