It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
