Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize