I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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