I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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