He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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