So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
