Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
