the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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