i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
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That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize