Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
