Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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