I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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