And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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