You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
