i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He passed out mid-signature
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Brb crying the tears of my youth
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
