She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
