I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
