I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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