if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
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I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.