I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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