dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
