shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!