OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
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There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
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seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.