K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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