OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
