hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life