You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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