and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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