Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
