I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
