is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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