The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
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i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
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If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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