Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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