There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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