I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize