okay pat passed out under dana's car
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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