im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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