Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
