yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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