Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
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My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize