Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
