He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
