just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We named our party play list daddy issues
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
