i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
