Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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