do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We had to coat check the pizza.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
