I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
