u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
