The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize