Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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