checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
