all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
