I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
