I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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